For those poets out there who haven’t published an actual book or ten already, feel free to stop reading.  Unfortunately for you, you’d be hard pressed to find any agent who would actually represent you in this day and age, which says a lot about how capitalism and poetry are no longer walking hand and hand.  Maybe they never were.  For you prose writers out there, take heart.  I have some advice to share, and you can take it for whatever it is worth.

Over the last year, I have had the great privilege of working with an agent.  To be clear, she isn’t my agent, but an agent I work for.  In fact, even if I needed an agent, it would be unwise to send her a query, for she doesn’t represent fiction writers with a background in…well, she just doesn’t take any fiction writers.  She specializes in commercial non-fiction, and my pointing this out is part of your first lesson.

Before you send any query to an agent, pay attention to either whom they have represented in the past, or what types of books their agency claims to represent.  If you are writing an absurdist experimental prose/poetry extravaganza, you would be extremely unwise to submit to an agent who typically represents books that are mostly published by Harlequin.

You may be asking, “But how do I know who they represent, or who they like to represent?”  That would be a super question.  I have a few answers.  There is a website called Writer’s Market.  You have to subscribe to them, but, for any of you out there who have seen the giant book with the same name, it might be wise to work with the online outfit.  The book, which I myself own, is heavy, written in tiny print, and not really well organized.  It does, however, list all of the known agents in the world, their contact information, and what they represent.  The online version, is a bit more user friendly, and can get you what you want in a more logical manner.

There are various websites out there that list top U.S. agents.  They are never alphabetical, regional, or by type of book.  They take forever to sift through, and I think they all might have been created in 1998.  I say that only due to the rudimentary website stylings, and the fact that many of the agents listed are incorrect listings.

Another route to go, if you are now aware of an agent’s name, or a bigger agency that interests you, is to look for a website.  Apparently most agents in the U.S. also are still living in 1998, or maybe earlier, and have not got on the “interweb” bandwagon.  For shame.

You might be asking, after having read what a pain in the ass it can be to locate agents, “Why do I need one?”  No one says you have to have an agent, but if you want more than 100 people to read your book, than it pays to have one.  Agents can get you more money.  Agents can get their foot in the door and actually speak to a human being at a publishing company.  You, however, have a better chance at winning the Lotto, or landing a new role in a blockbuster movie.  Sure, people send publishers manuscripts all of the time.  The amount of those thousands of unsolicited manuscripts that actually get published?  Maybe 1 or 2 a year.  For those smaller presses and publishing companies, those numbers might give you a better chance, but without the proper procedure, you are kind just killing a lot of trees, and making postmen carry too many heavy envelopes.

“So, do I send my manuscript to an agent?”  NO!!!!!

Not at first, anyway.  Query letter first.  I don’t call you and launch into my epic novel, do I?  No, I introduce myself first.  I explain myself, what I can provide, where I have been published before, and what my epic novel is about.  I don’t kiss up to the agent.  I do not write five pages about my book.  I do not explain how my book is the next Oprah Book Club book.  You might be wondering why I know a lot about what NOT to do.  Well, I know this partly because of what I have learned from the agent, but also partly because I have personally had to read through thousands of rejected queries.  Thousands.  You would be really shocked to find out what kinds of crazies are out there trying to get a book deal.  Close to the Cat Lady in the Simpsons kind of crazy.  I am not joking a bit.  And, sadly, THAT IS YOUR COMPETITION.  So don’t look crazy.  Look sane.  Look interesting.  But more on the query letter later.

So you sent your query letter.  What is next?  Well, now you wait.  Sometimes weeks, sometimes months.  If you hear back, you are lucky!  They will now ask for a section of your book.  Send it, right away.  Now wait, for more weeks and months.  And if you hear back again, GREAT!  They might ask for the whole thing.  Send it.  And…you guessed it…wait.

On a side note, there are several writing and publishing conferences happening all of the time in a city near you.  Pay attention.  Many of these have agents in attendance.  Some of those in attendance, will be available to speak with face to face.  It might cost you a good dime or twenty to get into these conferences, but if you present well in person, than it is worth the trouble.  Just make sure to be prepared with query letters, samples, and perhaps even full manuscripts when you attend these.  You never know.

Stay tuned for next Writers Need to Know Segment, where Query letters will be highlighted.